Not able to work in ‘Unity’ because of the Tyranny of weakness?
The Tyranny of Weakness:Â by Tamar George:
What could possibly go wrong when we try to work in Unity with one another?
In my opinion, every day we suffer in one way or another from the ‘tyranny of weakness’.
Just what are tyrannical behaviors andÂ their relationship to weakness?
Tyranny (asÂ defined here) will mean one who exerts cruel power unjustly over others and doesnât even know they’re doing it.
Sometimes the cruelty happens behind our backs, but more often face to face. Many normal acting individuals impose their will on others for their own selfish motives. And, whatÂ may be surprisingÂ for many of us, is that weÂ donât even recognizeÂ whenÂ we are the one being terrorized?Â Or, worse,Â we’re not even awareÂ when we terrorize another.
We have a choice when this behavior happens by us or to us. The common choice is to jump into reaction!Â A million reasonsÂ to becomeÂ angry! This behavior of anger sprouts out of our own weakness. If we donât confront the behavior with right action then the behavior never stops. So how does one recognize the behavior of tyranny? HowÂ does one stop it?
How does one choose RIGHT ACTION instead of RE-ACTION?
Where does the tyranny begin?
During the dayÂ millions of thoughts are activated through our filters. These thoughts are connected to justifications in defense of our routine behaviors. Thoughts such as; âI didnât do that! Itâs not my responsibility! Why donât they respond to me? Why donât I get praise for what I do?Â Why arenât they honest with me? They should have told me about that? Why are they upsetÂ over howÂ I reacted and said that? They should know what Iâm thinking? Iâm afraid it wonât be my way.Â Iâm afraid I wonât get grandiose recognition.â
After all, our justifications for our behavior have served us for eons. We are brilliant at knowing when another is justifying their behavior. We are really good at ‘seeing’ when others take away anotherâs power. We are not so good atÂ recognizing this aspectÂ in our ownÂ behaviors.Â Have you ever solicited feedback on how you work in a group?Â Work with others ONE on ONE as Equals.Â Do you know how others see you?
If you think about the Evening News on TV,Â it’s easy to seeÂ howÂ we understand social injustice. We know it is not a good thing when a parent murders their child. Thatâs an obvious wrong!Â This week on TV, the story was announced that the parents hid the child in a box under the bed and claimed the child was missing.
What most of us are not ‘on’ to is our own social injustice. We are not âonâ to our own wrong behavior. We are not âonâ to when we hide our own child in a box within ourselves or another’s child within them. These are the innocent wide eyed children that live within us. These children get hurt daily by another’s ‘child’Â (Iâm not enough ‘child’) so that the child that is still acting out and has no respect for others boundaries.
Boundaries are chosen by each individual.Â Others might not be comfortable when the not enough child/adult is loud, needs attention, talks incessantly about themselves or talks about them to others.
This behavior when carried to the extreme is the child/adult acting out in anger, revenge and ultimately control tactics. Tactics such as demanding the other to do what they want, backing up and bulldozing over the other to get their way, temper tantrums, cold shoulder, sarcasm, passive aggressive put downs, etc.
The I am not enough child, is self-absorbed.Â Yes, completely self-absorbed.Â That child is always trying to figure out how to feel enough in the world.Â Constant thoughts of if I was good enough, (things would have been different in my childhood).Â Daddy or Mommy wouldnât have engaged in hurtful behaviors and they wouldnât have abandoned me when I needed them most.Â That child is always trying to ‘fix the situation’ with Mommy and Daddy and,Â in turn, the childÂ creates the same situation as an adult over and over again.
The torture for the adult is because the child had expectations she or he would be the center of Mom and Dadâs universe.Â When the child is not the center of the universe for Mom (who represents the Goddess) and Dad (who represents God) then the child is always a disappointment toÂ the archetype GOD/GODDESS.Â Â That disappointment is the core of disappointment to the self now!Â We are always a disappointment to ourselves and feel cynical about even being born.Â A cycle of daily hidden thoughts of ruminates:Â I hate life, others, the planet and, in particular, God.
The Iâm not enough child/adult doesnât deserve prosperity from God.Â It can never put out enough (milk and cookies) to satisfied God (think of Santa Claus as God here in this statement).Â The presents and toys under the tree never come because the child is not only a disappointment but clearly not good enough.
The Adult becomes completely self-absorbed with the drama (OF ANGER) because the childâs needs were not met and because of this continues to create this vicious cycle over and over again.Â Life is all about this childâs drama as the ADULT.Â Trying to fix it and trying to make it work.Â Never ever feeling it is okay.Â This self tries to be okay and, not knowing how, moves into behavior that can turn into aÂ roller coaster ride ofÂ BIG INFLATED EGO or the flip side DEFLATED EGO all within an hour.
What happens when this wounded SELF ABSORBED adult meets another wounded SELF ABSORBED adult?Â Â A battle of entitlement occurs.Â I am entitled to have what I want without any consideration for you.Â You now have two people feeling entitled to what they want in order to fill in the void in their life.
It is notÂ my intention hereÂ to conveyÂ that they feel they deserve to have wholeness or peace in their lives.Â Rather, thatÂ they felt entitled to have the other meet their needs.Â Even using demands, isolation or punishment to have their needs met.Â Entitlement usually means there is no negotiation or compromise in the relationship.Â Itâs my way or you can hit the highway.
What happens when the tyranny escalates in a relationship?Â Letâs say, a self-absorbed person meets someone who is a real people pleaser?Â And why would a people pleaser even be attracted to the tyranny of a wounded self-absorbedÂ person?Â Â Why would a people pleaser jump into a relationship with a self-absorbed, angry, needy, wanting to control the people pleaser person?Â Yes, why ever?
The person who is a real people pleaser jumps into these relationships because they are someone who can take a back seat to the self-absorbed drama!!!Â Â The people pleaser thinks time will fix it or makes excuses for their behavior; âwell you know they had an awful childhood so they donât mean to verbally abuse me and they donât want to be mean.”
So how does the âIâm not enoughâ show up in daily life?Â The wounded, self-absorbed person has to make others out to be the ones who have wrong them.
Think back to when the cycle of making others wrong began.Â How about the time you were in sixth grade when you started to talk about others. You were trying to feel good about yourself in your, then, young world.
You cannot justify your behavior by making the other person out to be the ‘bad’ guy. Each of us is responsible for all our own perceptions of situations. Our reality is created by our beliefs about ourselves. It is all our stuff. No matter what, it is all OUR stuff.
Most of the stuff-ing we do and keep inside us is about not having balanced esteem.Â Balanced self-esteem comes from trusting oneself to choose Right ACTION.Â Learn how to communicate in peace with yourself.Â Itâs all your stuff even theÂ communicationÂ you send outÂ to others is about YOU!
How do we recognize the tyranny of weakness in others and ourselves?
The Bully/Bulldozer: runs over others.Â Â The bully jumps into the bulldozer which beeps backing up and going forward right over your wants untilÂ they get what they want.
The Baby Whiner: acts incompetent, acts insecure.
The People Pleaser: puts their needs last. Stuffs their feelings, doesnât believe the other has time to listen or can hear them without the attention going back to the other.
The Competitive: tries to inflate self-esteem. My this or that is better than yours.
The Guru: acts grandiose.
The Sarcastic: funny at your expense.
The Impostor: terrified of failure.
The Rebel: blames others excessively.
The Loser: cynical and frozen.
The Con Artist: motivesÂ are alwaysÂ self-serving.
The Lonely: pushes others away.
The Dapper Dan: tries to look good, no matter what.
The Boundary Hunter: lacks clear boundaries.Â Â Itâs all about ME and I donât respect your boundaries.
The Shame Master: shame, shame, shame.Â You should have, and, why didnât you?
The Rage-aholic: escalates the situation. Makes the slightest thing wrong.
The Martyr: voluntarily suffers.
Iâm sure we could add or exchange words to make up definitionsÂ for all these roles. Being aware of some of these roles stops the behavior because we recognize it and wonât put up with it. Nothing changes until we are aware of something. Nothing changes until we are strong enough to demand a stop to it.
There should be an urgency for getting to know what our weakness is masking? What is the fear behind the weakness? How can we stand up for ourselves? How can we finally arrive atÂ liking and respecting ourselves now that we have learned to trust ourselves and not be fearful of the terrorist that lives within us? We create what we believe about ourselves in the world. If we pray for peace.Â It is through this process that we will come toÂ know what it means to have peace within ourselves.
The continued pattern ofÂ tyrannical behavior has such big payoffs that the self-absorbed person doesnât want it to stop. It has been paying off in gifts for so long.Â What would it be like when you youâre not cynical, whining and blaming?Â Then, what will the day be filled with, if not drama?
The core is so deep.Â What would replace the anger, hurt, revenge?Â The intense desire and need for recognition?
How can a person possibly begin toÂ forgive the other for the all the hurts?
Bottom line:Â These unforgivable traits in others are the traits that canât be forgiven within the self.Â Â It is so simple thatÂ it is so often missed.Â These are the same traits that have never been forgiven within us.Â And I will add lifetimes here, hundreds of lifetimes of loathing ourselves.Â Lifetimes of not taking the time to like ourselves and to become aÂ better communicator.Â
Yes, our outer world and our future is all about us.Â All outer reality (lifetime to lifetime) is created by our inner reality.Â This is why they’re called lessons.Â
Awareness is our greatest key.
The creator within us, we call spirit, is the Holy Grail that we have been seeking.
Tamar George works as a Psychic Coach.Â The ability to use her intuition to help with the overview ofÂ intimate, work, family andÂ friend relationships.Â What’s the karma?
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